Last weekend, the Podunks split up — I took Her Royal Highness to a hockey tournament in Bozeman, and the Iron Chef took Odd Number to a hockey tournament in Sun Valley. It sounds glamorous, I know. Aside from the mega freeze in Bozeman that turned my hockey touring car’s battery into a useless rectangle, I was concerned about my hockey players’ health and safety. HRH was playing for two teams, and as luck would have it, her teams played back-to-back games 3 times. This shouts watch out for a sports injury, dehydration, malnourishment, unbelievable hockey gear aroma … you name the hazard, it’s present.

Skating in the Bozone.

Meanwhile, Odd Number had been asked to skate with Salmon’s big boy team despite the fact that he is roughly the size of the U.S. Postal Service’s $8 Flat Rate Box, only empty. Watching a competitive and physical high school hockey game is one of the most exciting spectator sports on earth, in my humble opinion, unless your wafer thin son is one of the players. Fortunately, Odd came out of the weekend unscathed.

Her Royal Highness took a nasty spill in game 7 and careened against the boards with an upsetting thud. Still, she popped up faster than most of us can get off the couch after Sunday dinner. I, on the other hand, slept on my shoulder wrong, pinched a nerve, and nearly fainted from attempting to fasten my bra. Some things just feel wrong.