Gentle Podunk readers will remember that I’ve been trolling for sponsors for a good many years with surprisingly little success.
All that has changed. My hockey team, the Cold Muthas, recently made an appearance in Podunk’s first annual Hoar Frost tournament. And we did so with the support of none other than Sturdy Pine Gear and Repair. Sturdy Pine’s motto is “Badass Bags for Badass Bitches,” so you can see how the Cold Muthas would be the perfect marketing vessel for this fledgling company.
Plus, the entrepreneurial owner doubles as “Soup Can,” the Muthas’ star forward. To date, sponsorship consists of Sturdy Pine’s labor force repairing my shoulder pads for free. But this is kind of a big deal as the disrepair of my shoulder pads was giving me a shark fin look that I did not entirely appreciate.
Sturdy Pine’s sponsorship of the Cold Muthas has broken the so-called glass ceiling for commercializing the team. Now we’re in talks with a second sponsor — the maker of the Moozie. What’s a Moozie? you ask. Maybe one of the best things I’ve seen since I lugged a Sturdy Pine bag over my shoulder.
See, it’s a hand-crocheted mitten and coozy in one. The Moozie is colorful and warm, and best of all, when your hand gets tired of holding your high gravity beer, you can relax your grip and the Moozie magically holds the can on its own. The Cold Muthas signature version has these googly eyes that opponents find very distracting.
So far, the Cold Muthas only have one of these fine products, but I’m sure that when the manufacturer sees the fame and prestige the Muthas bring to the table, we will be more sponsored. Moozie, proud sponsor of the Cold Muthas.
If your company would like to sponsor the fierce Cold Muthas hockey team, drop me a line. Not you, Vagisil.