Podunk on Location: Australia, Part 1

Leaving Podunk is never easy. I’m not being sentimental, it’s just quite literally not easy to leave Podunk. God forbid you want to fly somewhere. This endeavor requires a double major in trigonometry and macroeconomics.

There are approximately six airports nowhere close to us, all with varying obstacles between us and them. Allow me to elaborate:

  • Missoula, MT — 140 miles over Lost Trail Pass, elevation 7,014
  • Idaho Falls, ID — 140 miles over Gilmore Pass, elevation 7,330
  • Butte, MT— 190 miles over Lost Trail Pass, elevation 7,014
  • Bozeman, MT — 220 miles over Lost Trail Pass, elevation 7,014
  • Boise, ID — 250 miles over Banner Summit, elevation 7,056
  • Salt Lake City — 340 miles over Gilmore Summit, elevation 7,330
The perils of leaving Podunk include mountain passes in every direction, suicidal wildlife, and nature trying to reclaim our roads.

All this to say, since we were going to the trouble of leaving our paradisal valley, we went for broke and wandered completely off the continent.

Hello, Australia! And I thought we lived out of the way. A few trains, planes and automobiles later, we exchanged Idaho’s endless winter for southeast Australia’s temperate autumn.

The gauntlet we selected to get there was Boise to Portland to Vancouver, British Columbia to fly Air Canada. Air Canada offered the lowest fares thanks to new technology they’ve developed to shrink their seats to approximately 4” smaller than each passenger’s bottom, while customizing the legroom to accommodate the average oompah loompah.

Of course, one could always sell a working kidney and fly first class, but since the flight was only 15 hours, we opted to re-form our butts in the shape of a shoebox and snack on pretzel dust.

This curtain on the airplane kept me from all the good snacks. I now know Coach is French for Hungry.

We arrived in Sydney, Australia only to discover that Aussies are so advanced they are a full day ahead of us, meaning we lost a perfectly good Monday somewhere over the Pacific Ocean.

But now, having shapeshifted and timeshifted, the Podunks were ready to explore a new continent.

Next up, Podunk on Location: Australia, Part 2

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