The thing that motivates the Lost Riders to train the most is the fear of needing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation by our neighbors. Podunk is a small town so there’s a 97% chance the EMT would be someone we know or a cousin, and that’s just awkward.

So when Her Royal Highness’ hockey career took the fam to Salt Lake last week, I stooped to a new low — the hotel gym. I got on my Spirit Fitness, or Fitness Spirit, stationary bike and I tried to simulate Discovery Hill in preparation for the May 19 race 12 Hours of Disco. I’m used to riding in Paradise …

and instead I got to substitute this…

If I looked out the Holiday Inn window, I could see the Wasatch Front on the other side of I -15 and approximately 2 million people while I pretended to pedal up a hill.

This is no way to live. But if it keeps me from getting an EMT smooch, I guess it’s worth it.