Podunk Meets Paradise

Musings from Central Idaho

Archive for the tag “demolition derby”


Sometimes my hometown of Podunk makes the news for its downright podunkery, for lack of a better word (and for promotion of my new line of podunkery merchandise).
This time, we’ve made the headlines for a planned wolf derby. And no, a wolf derby is not a bold variation of our signature community event — the beloved demolition derby. Although now that you mention it, I would have 20131223-103606.jpgto expect that ticket sales would be sizzling if we could get a pack of wolves to cruise around the fairgrounds in a badass black smoke spewing reinforced Lincoln Continental.
Really though, participants in the wolf derby get cash money for killing wolves and coyotes. It’s sort of a quasi-educational event with a special youth prize for killing. I guess you’ve got to admire the cleverness of people who are frustrated living, or hunting, among predators — put a price on the wolves’ and coyotes’ carnivorous heads and maybe we can hunt them until they are all gone. So 1880s, Podunk.

I get that people like the hunting outfitter organizing the event are concerned that elk and other wildlife are succumbing as dog treats.
So, why not sponsor one of those cool frisbee catching contests, but entering wolves and coyotes instead of another batch of smug border collies? Not only would this have high entertainment value, but the wild canines would be worn out and far less likely to chase big game. I can tell you that after just a few frisbee fetches, my dogs Romeo and Gus actually invite the neighborhood deer harem to bed down in my strawberry patch while they catch a few ZZZs.
This idea is money, wolf derbyers, and you can have it for free.
(But when the media call, tell them you saw it on Podunk Meets Paradise, LLC, first. I am still trolling for sponsors.)

Bail, Bondsman

After a monumental grassroots effort, we mustered up 49% of the vote in favor of a new school — a far cry from the 66% super majority required by the State of Idaho. The worst thing after SIX tries … I’m¬† impressed that we almost split the vote.

Nearly half the voting people in Salmon were willing to make a sacrifice for the next generation!

I did hear complaints the proposed K-8 school’s design wasn’t just right (as opposed to our ancient middle school with #2 dripping out of the pipes and through the ceiling). And maybe it’s possible that if we changed some key design elements, we’d attract a whole new crop of yes voters.

For instance, Salmon has a big Demolition Derby tradition. Why not use the playground as the Demo Derby site and change the school mascot from the Salmon Savages to the Wreckers. The proceeds from the gate, beer garden, and halter top and mullet contests would service the bond debt.


Photo from yellowjeeproad.com

Or Greg Mortenson could come out from under the cloak of Three Cups of Tea shame and build schools in Salmon. Image

Rotary International could join in the fun and send dentists and optometrists to provide much needed medical services for the children.

Or the Lemhi-Shoshones could be invited back to town and asked to build a casino with a school attached. How beautiful to be able to upgrade our plumbing thanks to the craps tables! For sure we’d have to drop the Salmon Savages thing, but if it keeps the taxes we pay for school buildings lower than the taxes we pay for the county landfill, the compromise might be a necessary evil (besides, we don’t have to exclude the Demolition Derby and the Wreckers idea, do we?).

There is a 66.6% chance that I just need to simmer down and have 3 cups of tea.

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