Podunk Meets Paradise

Musings from Central Idaho

Archive for the category “Police Blotter”

Police Blotter

From the March 1 Salmon Recorder-Herald:

  • Man said that a couple are fighting again and he didn’t want an associate to have to go back to the behavioral health center.
  • Person reported cows that were loose.
  • Man said he got up and was vomiting blood. He had been drinking hard.
  • Caller said that there was six to eight horses loose around 3 Mile Lane and they were headed for the highway.

Police Blotter – 2/23/12

From the Salmon Recorder Herald, Feb 23, 2012 —

  • Person said there was something going on but didn’t have any details.
  • Woman reported a pitbull tangled up in her back yard who is barking and being aggressive.
  • Person reported a newborn calf running down the middle of the road.
  • Man said that neighbor keeps coming in and out of his house and is breaking things. He would like an officer to come by.
  • Was a child dialing. Dispatch notified the parents.

OK, that last item is a child asking to be dismissed from the gene pool. I mean, in the age of Caller ID, dialing 911 is a display of such buffoonery as to require sterilization. In fact, I am surprised that slumber parties persist in the age of Caller ID. I’m not sure that my friends would have bothered to congregate if prank calls were taken off the fun list.

But I’m not sure we would have thought to use the telephone in the way that tweens and teens do today. Somehow, no matter how many of their besties are congregated in one place, they manage to spend their time texting the lone human on Earth who is not at this party.

As long as they are not texting 911.

Police Blotter – 2/16/12

The Salmon weekly, the Recorder Herald, disappointed today in the policy blotter section, and that doesn’t happen very often.

I mean there was the pre-requisite roadkill call, “Person hit an elk on the highway at approximately mile marker 325.”

But compared to the 12/29/11 blotter … “Man said he was trying to locate a telephone operator that he could talk to in person, not an automated voice message because there was nothing that fits his needs.”


“Man reported that his daughter got up this morning and was disoriented and drove off in his vehicle.”

…this was nothing. Fortunately, I turned to the letters to the editor section. Floyd L. Bones is an old man in town and he’s kind of an angry stalker. And a hater. He hates my fabulous organization Salmon Valley Stewardship, the Lemhi Regional Land Trust, the Salmon Arts Council, City Council, County Commissioners, BLM, Forest Service, School District, the president, and so on.

His latest letter is titled “Depopulating Lemhi County.” Floyd accuses a wide range of conspirators of pursuing the fantastic Agenda 21, a United Nations-inspired plot to depopulate Lemhi County, where by the way, all 8,000 of us are crowded into a space as tiny as Pluto, which may or may not be a planet.

But the crazy thing is, I can’t even argue with him because he lined his letter with a silver bullet. Before signing his letter, he inserted this pithy Arthur Schopenhauer quote: “All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is self evident.”

So, drat, if I give into temptation and make comparisons between Floyd Bones and Mike Myers playing Mike Myers’ crazy Scottish dad in “So I Married an Axe Murderer” ….

Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it’s a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there’s a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
Tony Giardino: So who’s in this Pentavirate?
Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. “Oh, you’re gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!”
Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate “The Colonel”?
Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!

… I’ve already played into his hands and moved my piece to Stage 1! Argh, the craftiness of it all.

I’m doubtful that even a sneering gasbag could nudge me to Stage 2, Violent Opposition, but I am an especially patient woman, and it’s possible that Mr. Bones repeated references to some of my more spirited colleagues as “moral prostitutes” could merit a swift kick in the gunnysack.

Then, there we go, we’re Stage 3, Self Evident Truth. Played right into the bastard’s hands.

My freshman year at Whitworth, I eagerly signed up for Constructing a Philosophy of Life. As a 19-year-old, Schopenhauer’s general conclusions about our natural inclination toward irrationality didn’t sit well with me. I was hoping for something a little more orderly. A few decades later, I should probably thank Floyd Bones for the re-introduction.

To reciprocate, I’ll offer a favorite quote myself.

“I’m telling you a lie in a vicious effort that you will repeat my lie over and over until it becomes true.” — Lady GaGa

From the Police Blotter

In the Feb 9, 2012 Recorder Herald:

Man said he just got a ticket from a city officer and wants him to come right now and talk to him. He said if the officer would have shut up for five seconds he could have explained his side of the story.

Man said he was concerned for a friend that left his home at about 1 p.m. to buy beer and had not returned.

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