From the Salmon Recorder Herald, Feb 23, 2012 —

• Person said there was something going on but didn’t have any details.
• Woman reported a pitbull tangled up in her back yard who is barking and being aggressive.
• Person reported a newborn calf running down the middle of the road.
• Man said that neighbor keeps coming in and out of his house and is breaking things. He would like an officer to come by.
• Was a child dialing. Dispatch notified the parents.

OK, that last item is a child asking to be dismissed from the gene pool. I mean, in the age of Caller ID, dialing 911 is a display of such buffoonery as to require sterilization. In fact, I am surprised that slumber parties persist in the age of Caller ID. I’m not sure that my friends would have bothered to congregate if prank calls were taken off the fun list.

But I’m not sure we would have thought to use the telephone in the way that tweens and teens do today. Somehow, no matter how many of their besties are congregated in one place, they manage to spend their time texting the lone human on Earth who is not at this party.

As long as they are not texting 911.