Whatever You Do — Don’t Call Me Maybe
The Odd Number, Her Royal Highness, and I are on holiday with my family — the Notorious Babs and Big L — in Oregon this week. Thanks to a new Podunk family policy spurred by Her Highness’ maniacal driving habits and the Iron Chef’s realization that Odd # represents the last chance at carrying on the Family Name, we had to take separate vehicles. Odd traveled with Babs and Big L, while I carpooled with HRH and tried to get my courage up to let her take the wheel.
While this courage building was in the works, I had a good long chance to contemplate 1) the enormity of the Columbia River System, and 2) the lack of variety on Pop Radio stations.
First, let’s just admit that the salmon and steelhead that make it past all these huge chunks of concrete then back again to my home town of Podunk (aka Salmon, Idaho) are BADASS.
Next, let’s address Pop Music. Back in the day, we had Top 40 music. Now, as with other trends, THEY have downsized and streamlined Pop Music so now there is only Top 3 music. And unfortunately, I can only tell you what the Number One song is because it is permanently etched into my gray matter. In case you have not been driving along the Columbia River System with a teenage girl, I will let you know that song is “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen.
Most disturbing — Carly Rae Jepsen is Canadian. So what used to be America’s Top 40 is now whittled down to America’s Top 3, I only know the Top 1 and it is by a Canadian. (Please see my earlier post on North American music.)
Mark my words, this is the artistic equivalent of outsourcing all telemarketing jobs to India. Jepsen is trying to cover her tracks AND appeal to the NASCAR circuit by throwing a “Rae” in as a hoax middle name. Who does that north of the 45th parallel?
Anyhow, after forcing me to listen 48 times to the mind-numbing beat and learn the ridiculous teenage girl car dancing of Call Me Maybe, I turned the wheel over to Her Highness at Mile 840 of Mile 880.
Hey I just met you,
and this is crazy,
so here’s my number….
Call me Maybe.