Speaking of sensible shoes, I treated myself to a new pair of sneaks on one of my traumatic Back to School shopping trips. Trust me, I deserved them. I strolled around in my new Reeboks before I bought them, just like you’re supposed to. There’s definitely nothing like a new pair of shoes to put an extra spring in the step.
How sad to find out that I — she who could not be more rural — had accidentally bought urban shoes.
What are you talking about? you are probably saying to yourself. They are tennis shoes, for Chrissakes! I suppose you can’t wear hot looking Reeboks in Podunk?
Well, my friends, the problem is three-quarter inch crushed gravel. See, my new shoes have this tricky sole with slots meant specifically to capture and keep 3/4-inch crush. So when I stroll around gravel roads and my gravel driveway, which happens on a pretty damned regular occasion, my shoes turn into something akin to rocky moon boots.
So, I hope you’ll join me in writing to Uli Becker, president of Reebok, at email@example.com and urge him to stop waging war on Rural Americans. And try not to make fun of me when you see me wobbling toward you.