Podunk Meets Paradise

Musings from Central Idaho

Archive for the tag “vegetarian”

Forced Family Fun 2016.2

There is no denying that I sullied my reputation as a Forced Family Fun leader last week, when I caused my family to over-extend their skill level and their fun threshhold on cross-country skis. This week, however, I am tasting the mother’s sweet, molten hot fudge of redemption.

Her Royal Highness is on extended college break. I gave her an early and inappropriate birthday present to help her fill her down time in Podunk. The Thug Kitchen‘s Eat Like You Give a F*ck is vegetarian and a tad edgy. I mean plant-based. I think vegetarian is now a political party and plant-based indicates a diet. I think.

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When HRH put Mother F*cking Kale on our shopping list, I decided to peruse the book more closely.

“The first rule of Thug Kitchen is: Read the recipe. Second rule of Thug Kitchen? READ THE GODDAMN RECIPE. Be sure you read that shit all the way through before you cook.”

The inappropriate part? We’re not quite sure what to do with a vegetarian, er, a plant-baser, in Podunk.

paella_spreadClearly, Thug Kitchen improved my status with HRH. But there was still one kid with fresh memories of death march on skis.

Odd Number likes a good argument. He’s fortunate to have an English teacher who assigns current events blogging to the kids, and he gets rewarded with extra points for argumentative responses in the comment block. That is pure money for Odd.

So, I was delighted to share a blog post with Odd I had written for High Country News in which I was able to offend animal rightsers, Confederates, the literati, wolf haters, the Unabomber, and lichen — all in 750 words or less. Better yet, one of my gentle readers used the term “homo rapiens” in the comment box. Short of getting Sidney Crosby to autograph a puck for Odd, this constituted some pretty damned good redemption.

We finished the enchanted day with a rousing round of Scrabble. Odd shouted Thug-like profanity when he could not convince Her Royal Highness and I of the validity of the word “Qadi,” while HRH destroyed our dreams with a triple word score for “Curvy.”

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All is right with the world.

 

Report from the Betty Ford Resort

Thanks to those gentle readers who expressed concern about my last post. Yes, Podunk’s instincts were spot on and my sidekick Lucy and I had accidentally enrolled in professional development at a remote summer camp-like setting on an island where only herbal tea was served.
Oh, they tried to mask this oversight with really delicious and organic food, but Lucy is quite a little carnivore, so this only increased our collective anxiety level.

The view from the Hollyhock Resort dining hall on Cortes Island was soothing.

The view from the Hollyhock Resort dining hall on Cortes Island was soothing.

 

We attempted to calm ourselves with daily yoga classes, being mindful to keep a significant distance between us because even though we appear to be grown ladies, yoga gives us the incurable giggles which in butterfly pose leads to serious problems.
I get your point, Betty. When you eat organic vegetables and drink herbal tea all day while on a beautiful Canadian island with no teenagers, you feel like a million bucks. And yes, I did feel the leatherback tortoise shell slough off my liver on Day 3.
But then Lucy and I did a little moonlight swim in the ocean because we heard about this crazy glow in the dark bioluminescent plankton, and sure enough it was true and pretty trippy, even on herbal tea. But then Lucy hid my Tahitian wrap and I had to march around the summer camp in my birthday suit. These antics, Betty, are much better executed with an adult beverage.

Bioluminescent plankton is freaky wonderful.

Bioluminescent plankton is freaky wonderful.

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