Podunk Meets Paradise

Musings from Central Idaho

Archive for the tag “parenting”

What Now?

We dropped Odd Number off at Boise State University last week, initiating a new era in family life. So far, that era is distinguished by the number of times people have asked us about ENS, or Empty Nest Syndrome. empty nest

Nothing that ends with Syndrome is ever good, so naturally I’m resistant to the phrase. If our house is indeed a nest, Iron Chef and I are still in it, as is our cat — the Worst Hippopotamus. Not to mention the fact that Her Royal Highness (now a college junior) uses the nest as a combination flophouse/storage shed in between her wilderness river trips. That behavior actually does feel like a syndrome.

Empty Nest or no, there is no doubt that having both kids in college will create a new dynamic. On one of the rare occasions this summer when all four of us sat down to dinner, the conversation was lively and fun. Odd soon peeled off to carouse with his friends, and it didn’t take Her Highness long to get a better offer, so they excused themselves and left us alone on the deck. Chef looked at me with what one might perceive as terror, and said, “What now?”

We both laughed hysterically after he said it, like you do before you ride one of those rides at the amusement park that simulates an elevator falling 40 floors.

elevator fallI’m mostly nervous because I’ve been using the children as human shields from some basic responsibilities. Like, “I’m sure I’ll dust more when I don’t have all this child rearing to do.” It’s been 4 days since we left Odd Number in southern Idaho and this now feels like a lie.

But maybe I really will be more thoughtful about birthdays, and clipping the cat’s nails, and not abandoning my blog for months on end. What now? Let’s just wait and see.

 

 

Rainy Day Activities For Bored Kids!!! By Daddy Drinks!

So, Daddy Drinks posts even less than Podunk, but in a triumphant return to blogging, this Daddy earns today’s “Things I Wish I Had Written Award.” And Mom, sorry for the profanity. It’s not me, it’s him.

Daddy Drinks

rainy day craft

If you Google, “rainy day activities for kids” you’ll get a ton of suggestions from Pinterest Parents like, “design your own cooperative learning board game!” Or “build your own theater stage and puppets using only up-cycled materials!” Or my favorite, “make your own paper!”

Fuck you Pinterest. I don’t want to make my own paper.

I’m sure there are thousands of wholesome, nurturing ideas out there where your kids can spend an entire rainy afternoon expressing their feelings through leaf and stick art. A small part of me wishes I were a Pinterest Parent who kept drawers of popsicle sticks, egg crates and scraps of whimsical fabric on hand so we could make a “real working miniature windmill farm” when the mood strikes us, but apparently, I’m not that kind of parent. The only time I’m ever going to suggest we “make our own clothes!” is if the outlet mall…

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I Got 99 Problems…

I love to think about pre-teen problems…

Daddy Drinks

problems

So I’m wrestling two ridiculous problems right now. I have my share of normal problems like deadlines and a conspicuous lack of funds in my bank account and a piss-poor mile PR and absolutely nothing to cook for dinner that my kids will eat, but the two problems that are currently demanding a lot of time and energy on my part are absolutely, utterly ridiculous.

Problem Number 1: There are zombies in the toilet.

At least, that’s what my daughter thinks. So she’s too scared to go to the bathroom alone. Instead, she forces me, or her mom or her brother, to come into the bathroom and watch her. “Because if you don’t come with me, the zombies will crawl out of the toilet and bite me.”

Obviously, this problem is a holdover from Halloween.

I’ve tried using adult logic (“but, zombies aren’t real”) and I’ve tried using kid logic…

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