The Trouble with Violence Free Parenting

It’s T-shirt weather in Salmon, and I thought that was a good thing. But when I was driving around with our 12-year-old son, the Odd Number (this doesn’t reflect on the kid’s actual strangeness but more his fascination, some would say obsession, with odd numbers, in particular 1,3, and 7), I found out that springtime in the Rockies comes with a price. In mid-story, Odd reached across and shook the skin that used to house my tricep.
“Bat wings,” he calmly declared, and gave another thwap at my arm.
I’ve known people who blame all their adult-life problems on parents who were too cruel. What no one talks about is how twisted children become when they have no fear of getting a good hard smack across the face. My son smiled sweetly at me as I plotted his demise.

The truth is I have been pretty lackadaisical about my calisthenic routine ever since I mistook a particularly rigorous round of push-ups for breast cancer.

This is not a photo of me doing push-ups.

Fortunately, after a comfy mammogram and an ultrasound, the medical team brought back a verdict of overworked pectoralis major. Needless to say, after celebrating my restored health, I modified to girl push-ups and then mostly to no push-ups. And then, apparently, to flapping my bat wings.

But now the Odd Number has forced my hand, so I’m going to do what any post-40 female would do in my situation … I’m going to watch GI Jane…

This is not me doing a pull up.

and draw a Hitler mustache on my son while he sleeps in his snug little bed tonight.

7 thoughts on “The Trouble with Violence Free Parenting

  1. My mother claims that mental/emotional problems are genetic: you inherit them from your children. I’m sure she’s speaking theoretically when she says it, and not referring to anyone we know. And certainly not to your children.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s