Podunk is pretty lean on post-Thanksgiving shopping sprees. We are legitimately 150 miles away from the nearest mall, and thanks be to God, the nearest Walmart. Instead, we have Alco, a Texas-based down-home department store that pops up in places like Podunk and Hettinger, North Dakota.
But now I feel like Alco is judging me and my fellow Podunkers. When celebrity chef Paula Deen humpty dumptied her whole foodie empire by going un-cool retro racist, the retail world and her media outlets dropped her like a hot, steamy sweet potato biscuit with honey butter.
The Food Network chopped her right out of the gates. No more Target, Home Depot, Sears, JC Penney, QVC … even Walmart cleared the shelves of her wares.
All of a sudden — you guessed it — Alco has designer label nonstick pans on a red tag sale. I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that Alco thinks my hometown doesn’t care about racism just because we’re all a bunch of whiteys, or that they didn’t really discount Paula Deen’s cookware that steeply.
I skipped the Teflon pans, bought an inspirational Lance Armstrong day planner, and stormed my ass out of there.