A few days ago I chronicled Her Royal Highness’s graduation ceremony. But wait, there’s more.
After graduation is over, the seniors get whisked off to an all-night “party.” By party, I mean a lock-down situation for graduates only and their chaperoning parents that is intended to keep the kids from really partying. Now before you get all excited and turn me into PETA or something, let me state for the record that I am very much in favor of giving kids an alternative activity to do so they don’t resort to having toga parties at the lake and driving themselves off the side of a mountain. I get it.
But I’m afraid we sent the kids a mixed message.
When Iron Chef and I showed up for the 1:30 – 3:30 a.m. chaperone shift, the thrill was already gone for most of the small class of 2015 assembled. This in spite of the fact that a lot of hard working parents knocked themselves out to have a non-stop line-up of activities, as well as cash and prizes, to keep the graduates at the appropriately named Senior Sober.
Unfortunately, the activities included: Jell-o wrestling, poker, karaoke, and mechanical bull riding — all leisure sports invented with alcohol in mind.
To the kids’ credit, they sang “Livin’ on a Prayer,” stone cold sober. They monkeyed around on the bull. They played a few hands of five card stud. And they had the common sense to know that no one gets in a kiddie pool of Jello without being in a seriously altered state.
Our work here is done.